Category Archives: Question for the Mamas I love babies. No, I mean… I really love babies. Since I stopped teaching baby class a couple of months ago, I have realized how much I indeed love and miss babies. Pretty much any time someone asks me about my experiences teaching baby class, I tear up. That job was special. I got to... May 10, 2013 - 10:15 pm
Another good post! I will follow this one. I have to say that all of your pictures about the first year with babies did not bring forth a single bit of sentiment in me. I am just not a mom that does well in the first year. But, I am very sentimental about years 2-4 right now. May 11, 2013 - 12:07 am
Oh, babies! I also love babies, but I haven’t really had a chance to get baby hungry, because I always have my own. I’m really lucky to have super easy babies, which makes newborns so enjoyable for us. May 11, 2013 - 12:25 am
I, too, adore babies. Audrey is turning 1 on Tuesday, and it’s pretty much killing me. I want more babies. Well, my heart wants more babies. But my head tells me that 4 is plenty. And Steve definitely does not want more, so I think we’re done. But I still have a ways to go before that does not make me sad. However, I think a lot of my sadness comes simply from the fact that my having-baby days are over, and I think that will make me sad even if I had 15 babies. Know what I mean? Like I think I will need to face those feelings at some point, regardless…I’m not just going to keep on having them just to avoid that sadness. When having babies was the biggest thing i looked forward to my entire life – and now it’s over – it’s hard to not have that to look forward to any more. Part of it, too, is just accepting that I’m getting older. Boo! Oh, and though I’m ecstatic to see my sisters both about to have their own first babies, I admit that it makes me ache for me to hold my own newborn again. Anyway, that was a lot of rambling. On the brighter side, I do look forward to my kids being older and being able to do fun things with them and to enjoy them gaining a bit more independence. I am truly loving these younger years with my kids, before life gets as crazy as I know it will. May 11, 2013 - 12:26 pm
Kara – this is a perfect Mother’s Day topic! It has also been on my mind lately, so thanks for putting out the questions in your blog! May 11, 2013 - 6:50 pm
Rachel, May 11, 2013 - 11:36 pm
Oh Kara. So much, so much I want to say. BUT, it is late. So let me share this one thing. For me, part of the compulisive draw towards having a newborn (that I STILL feel OFTEN) is that having a baby provides the rare opportunity to “fall in love”. I fell head over heels in love was with Scott. Then when Tanner was born it was like falling in love all over again. Then again with Sage, and Elliette, and Asher. FALLING IN LOVE is so fun! The newness, the thrill, the giddy excitement, the discovery, the indescribable joy that comes from realizing you can’t/don’t want to live another day without them and are ready to commit your whole heart, soul, and being to them. It’s a rush. It’s nourishing. It’s bouyant. It’s new and fun and exciting. It’s energizing. It’s HAPPY. But just like a marriage must eventually move past the “honeymoon” phase, so too must the parenting. The thought of having another baby thrills me. Have another baby tomorrow? YOU BET! What could possibly be better than another pure and innocent newborn? Another person to fall in love with? YOU BET! Sign me up. Another baby to snuggle, and nurse, and cuddle? YOU BET! Another baby to help and watch learn to sit, crawl, walk, talk? YOU BET! Witnessing the joy of discovery that accompanies babies is one of the greatest joys in life. We have 4. We are done. It was a tough transition, but the right one. So much to say . . . but that’s my one point for tonight. One of the reasons why saying goodbye to babies was tough because it was also saying goodbye to the thrill of falling in love. May 12, 2013 - 12:48 pm
Robyn, May 13, 2013 - 9:42 am
This was a very interesting post for me to read because I’m at the opposite end of you, Kara, and everyone commenting. I’m newly married (well, we’re coming up on our 2nd wedding anniversary), nearly 33, and childless. My husband and I feel pulled to start our family now (especially since I’m getting older) and we have ideas about what that family will look like – how many kids, etc., but since we’ve never experienced any of it ourselves, we truly have no idea how we’ll feel about it all, how many kids we will end up wanting, and such. We love, love, love being married and we so enjoy our life together just the two of us, so I’m always wondering if I’ll be as happy when we have a family and our lives and hearts are pulled in a million different directions. It’s nice to read, though, how much all the women commenting on this post love having babies – and love their husbands throughout it all. As we embark on this stage in our lives and in our marriage, it can be pretty scary. I’m glad to have the Internet to learn from seasoned moms such as yourselves! May 13, 2013 - 12:32 pm
Carrie,  One of our favorite things to do is a family (and probably yours too) , is to go to the library. It may not be the best parenting, but I can get my kids to do almost anything if they know that we will be going to the library. It’s just one of those simple... 4 comments March 8, 2013 - 9:07 pm
Oh this post is lovely! Reminds me of my boys. Some of our favourites right now are the, ‘Mysterious Benedict Society,’ and, ‘Incorrigible Children of Ashton Place,’ books. My second oldest loves the, ‘Nate the Great,’ books and remarked that, “even though they are WAY too easy for me now Mom, I still just love them.” Story book wise, we have always been a fan of the, ‘Click, Clack, Moo,’ series and things by Sandra Boyton. All of my kids find the, ‘Bad Kitty,’ books hilarious too, which is great because the older ones will take them, and climb up into the tree house with the younger ones and read them out loud. Then I can hear all this little laughter pouring out of the tree house and my heart is happy because I know my boys are bonding over something that is super important in my life–books. March 9, 2013 - 8:20 am
Mo Willems is a complete genius. Everything he writes makes my kids laugh. I also love the books by Cynthia Rylant. I think the kids prefer “Henry and Mudge”, but her “Mr Putter and Tabby” books are my favorite. Lizzy thinks Peter Brown is funny, but I have only read one or two. (She read one in preschool, and demanded that we go get it at the library.)I also like Pat Hutchins, and Berkley Breathed. And if you haven’t read “Ballet Kitty” you should.Oh, and the kids love the Magic School Bus books, which take FOREVER to read out loud. March 10, 2013 - 11:49 am
Katie, March 11, 2013 - 2:09 pm
We love the library! It is one of the few places I will actually venture out to by myself with all five kids. It’s just worth it! Macartney got the Mercy Watson books for Christmas and they were a perfect beginner chapter book series. They really built her confidence and when she finished she just wanted to keep going. She really enjoys the Ivy and Bean series. I prefer them to Junie B. Jones. Still mischievous, but not as bratty.  I am going to start working on scanning old pictures so that we have all of our pictures saved digitally. I cam across these gems. These are a couple of my senior pictures. Oh how I wish we could all share old pictures together, because nothing brings a laugh like awkward old pictures.What, it isn’t... 11 comments March 3, 2013 - 11:18 pm
One little nugget of encouragement that you might find useful at some point in your journey…….when I was considering going to grad school, but was belly-aching about how old I’d be when I finished getting my Masters in Music Therapy, a very wise friend said “so what, so you’ll be 35. You are going to get there in the same amount of time. Do you want to arrive at 35 with or without your degree?” That really helped put things in perspective and I never looked back March 4, 2013 - 6:50 am
Oh, Kara! No wonder we’re such good friends! I often think about what I’m going to be when I grow up. And I also wanted to be a Marine Biologist. I wanted to live in Oregon and either work on a whale watching boat or at the aquarium so I could teach people. ( I live in land locked northern Alberta!) I also looked into Play Therapy when I was in school. Then after I had little kids, I felt like I couldn’t handle it as well. I don’t think I could distance myself like I once could. When I was in school (and roomies with you) I was going to be a Music Therapist, but I felt like it might be too specific and hard to find work. Now I go through a million scenarios in my mind of what I would be -everything from a dolphin trainer to a doctor (I don’t think either of these will plan out March 4, 2013 - 8:36 am
Recently I’ve become enamored with the idea of becoming a children’s librarian. I have zero interest in cataloging and archiving, and I’m not sure how much of that would be a part of it, but I do love the idea of developing programs to promote literacy and I’d love to be an expert in children’s literature. It would require grad school, and I don’t think there are a lot of jobs available, but how awesome would it be to be in charge of story hour every week? March 4, 2013 - 9:00 am
Kara, March 4, 2013 - 10:02 am
Kara, I wanted to be a Marine Biologist too! I think I was about 10… I had a dolphin ring, dolphin Christmas ornaments, and even planned to get a dolphin tatoo when I got older (thankfully didn’t happen though). I wanted to be the trainer at Marine World and teach people about conservation. My parents even ok’d me going to Oregon State since they offered the program, even though they both went to U of O haha You would be amazing at any of the jobs you’ve listed! Trust your instincts, keep your eyes and heart open, and let God lead you on your journey. How exciting to consider the possibilities! Leah March 4, 2013 - 10:50 am
Kara, Fast forward about 15 years – I don’t even have horses anymore. I still love them, but they’re not my focus. Not only am I married, but I have FOUR kids. I did get my degree, but not in Animal Science. I have a BS in Business and my Master’s in Business Administration. I feel like I should have everything planned out now and that I should be walking that path already. I did all that work and spent all that time and instead, all I really want to do is be home with my kids. I’ve been trying to find a way to do that and still use the education I worked so hard for. Working from home is something new that the company I work for is offering, so I feel very blessed to be home 2x a week now, but I’m still not with the kids as much as I’d like to be. I can feel that something else is coming – I don’t know what and I don’t know how, but I’m going to get that opportunity. I believe that completely. Kara, you inspire me as a mom. I love seeing and hearing about you and your family and your experiences. My only advice would be to do what feels right and don’t be afraid to try some of the things you mentioned. It might not work out, but sometimes the process of trying is more important than succeeding. March 4, 2013 - 8:09 pm
Teesha, March 4, 2013 - 8:14 pm
U of O doesn’t have a library sciences program. They are pretty few and far between. I think the nearest is in Seattle at UW. Anyway, I’m still several years away from committing to anything. March 4, 2013 - 8:21 pm
When I think of you, I think of a life coach. You are doing that now really…you could education young minds or those young at heart about a number of things: nutrition, fashion, etiquette, morals, exercise…the list goes on. March 4, 2013 - 9:02 pm
Katrina-There is a library science program at one of the private Portland colleges…Lewis and Clark maybe and they offer online classes. My friend was taking Masters level classes there. I don’t think there is anything wrong with being noncommittal. A career move every five years or so would be awesome! Our modern focus on intense specialization is crazy making and leaves those of us with many passions and interests feeling compromised. Also, compensation systems can disincentivize stretching into new territory. I am also concerned at the lack of perspective and loss of opportunity to make connections when one focuses on the micro. I don’t think it is too late to be all of those things Kara. March 8, 2013 - 8:20 pm
Meaghan, There is seriously a monster that must come into our house at night who eats one of each pair of socks. We have serious issues over here when it comes to losing socks. I have finally resorted to trying to buy mostly the same sock for each person, but I still feel like socks are... 4 comments February 22, 2013 - 11:35 am
Happens to us, too. I don’t have any great first hand experience to solve the problem, but I keep a small basket to pu spare socks in and periodically I go through and most of them end up finding their partners eventually. I have heard a good suggestions that I keep meaning to try: Get a mesh lingerie laundry bag for each person and have them put their dirty socks right into the bag when they take them off. Then you zip up the bag and put them straight into the wash. Sounds like a good solution if you can get everyone to put their dirty socks in the bag. I find socks all over the house. February 22, 2013 - 2:16 pm
We seem to have the worst problems with the littlest socks so that forced us into the habit of putting those into a mesh bag, like Adrienne suggested. Each bag has a loop and a snap so you can attach it to the hamper and we keep one at each hamper. It doesn’t matter whose socks go in the bag, as long as they go in as pairs. It works really well if you can get the socks in there. We’ve resorted to putting bags in a lot of places and most socks end up in one. February 22, 2013 - 8:52 pm
I have a laundry basket that is devoted to socks. I put all socks and underwear in the basket when I remove them from the dryer and I fold them about once a week. Don’t seem to loose many socks February 24, 2013 - 5:10 pm
Okay, so it is sounding like the laundry bags are the way to go? I may need them in like 5 locations in my house. Actually, if I had one right by the door, that would probably help a lot. Let’s see if I can make improvement in this area. It feels lame to have to keep spending money on socks! Let’s talk sleepovers shall we? I believe that my very first sleepovers began probably in about the 4th grade. I had a couple of best friends at that point, and I loved staying the night at their houses. As for large group sleepovers, I must admit that I kind of hated those growing up. I... 12 comments February 2, 2013 - 10:28 pm
This is a tough one. I loved sleepovers growing up. I never had any issues as a kid, but as a teenager, I will admit that I occasionally used it as an excuse to stay our later or sneak out (gasp!). Even though I never had any issues, there are too many stories of people who did. We decided that we weren’t going to do any sleepovers, except with cousins and/or grandparents. Our kids are lucky to have lots of cousins their ages. There may be some exceptions that arise and we will deal with that when it comes (close family friends that we feel completely comfortable with), but as a rule, we’ve decided against it. But I think there are ways around it. For example, Macartney has decided that for her 8th birthday party, we are going to have a pajama party, fake sleepover. All the kids will wear their PJ’s and bring a stuffie. We’ll have breakfast for dinner (her request, but I thought it was fitting) and watch a movie. We’ll do a few other things and then the kids will go home at bedtime (8:00ish). It’s not a sleepover, but for her age it is definitely close enough. Good luck with the decision. February 3, 2013 - 6:50 am
Let me start this by saying I had sleepovers at least twice a month 9-12 grade and I loved hem because they were with good friends. I like you didn’t love elementary ones because it had the same feelings you describe – I was scared to fall asleep early!! But Austin and I are probably more with Chris on this. We’ve decided no sleepovers for our kids, except with cousins, grandparents. We feel really good about it right now and can reevaluate as they get older but there are so many people we don’t trust/know and how do we say you can have a sleepover with them but not with that person? And I feel like times are a bit different. I. Can’t describe it other than that Austin and I feel good about our decision right now. I think you know what I mean February 3, 2013 - 7:11 am
We had a no sleepover policy (except with family) until this year with Teagan (9). Blake (8) did stay the night with a friend a couple of times last year but it was a one on one with some very good family friends. You are correct in saying sleepovers start early! What worked for us was allowing Teagan to go (if I knew the parents) to the slumber party but only until bed time. Then I would go pick her up. It has worked really well. We’ve had very understanding parents, kids and no fight from our children. Even now I don’t like them. I think our kids get too tired! I do agree that some of my best memories are from having sleepovers at my childhood bff’s. But my parents knew her family extremely well and it was one on one. February 3, 2013 - 7:14 am
Thanks Adrienne and Margaret for your feedback. Adrienne, I have another friend who will let her daughter go to sleepovers but picks her up around 10:00 (she is 11). Margaret, it totally is hard if you have to explain, that your kids can go to some houses but not others. I just try to imagine what my childhood would have been like without my sleepovers at Jenny Pine’s house too though, and if one of my kids ends up having a best friend, I definitely will explore sleepovers more. I actually think that sleeping at her house kept me out of trouble. When a lot of kids were off partying a ton, I was usually at Jenny’s house hanging out February 3, 2013 - 7:16 am
Missed your comment before I wrote mine Angie February 3, 2013 - 7:35 am
Our 7 and 5 year old boys are best friends with a brother/sister 8 and 6 year old, and we have done 2 sleepovers where the younger kids stay at one home and the older kids go to the other home. This is a family (single mom) we have been close to for over 4 years, we do many activities together as families, and the mom and I have had tons of parenting discussions and I have learned that we have very similar parenting values. Both sleepovers went off without a hitch, except that the children were allowed to watch “appropriate” videos at the other home, which I didn’t like–the one parenting value we don’t share-we only do nature videos when a kid is sick, otherwise no screen time. I know we are pretty extreme on this so tried to be understanding. February 3, 2013 - 9:30 am
Kara that conversation you overheard totally creeps me out. Maybe nothing but if I heard someone say that to my daughter I might have a talk with that dad. February 3, 2013 - 7:09 pm
Our kids have late nights. I love this because then they can still hang with their friends and sleep in their own bed. February 4, 2013 - 9:29 pm
Thanks so much for that link Camie! February 6, 2013 - 11:00 pm
I also want to thank Cami for that link! Good article. It makes me feel more secure in our decision. February 7, 2013 - 8:17 pm
We have not gotten to a point in our life where sleepovers are an issue. I know if and when my oldest gets to the point of a sleepover it will be a very select few. I am ok with telling my girls they can only have sleepovers with certain friends because I am close with the parents. I feel if the other parents and I are on the same page with parenting styles and morels then I may be ok with it. February 7, 2013 - 9:29 pm
I remember sleeping over at a friend’s house when I was in kindergarten, and my parents didn’t know her parents AT ALL. It seems a little weird now, but it worked out okay. I slept over at friends houses often all through my school years, and although there were a few incidences where it just wasn’t that fun, nothing creepy ever happened. Most of my sleepovers were at a short list of “best friend’s” houses, and most of the time, my parents knew the other parents. I feel like my parents were appropriately cautious but certainly not over protective. Plus I have such great sleepover memories. I’ve been thinking about sleepovers lately, too, but in a completely different context. I’m trying to figure out when and how it will ever be okay to have my kids’ friends sleep over if we’re still living in this tiny house with zero privacy. We might have to implement a summer-only rule and make everyone camp outside or something. It would make me sad if we COULDN’T host sleepovers for my kids’ friends. Strangely, even though I think sleepovers are great for school-age kids, I’ve been really surprised by how many friends or even just sort-of friends have out-of-the-blue offered to babysit my preschool-age kids. Maybe I’m just totally spoiled by having my mom close by to watch my kids almost anytime I need to do something by myself, but I’m still not totally comfortable or eager to drop my kids off at someone else’s house for a few hours even though I know it would be totally fine. While I’m all for sleepovers in theory, I guess we’ll see how gung ho I am when my kid is actually invited for the first time. |
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I came from a big family and always wanted one of my own. I am sad that we are done with two but I just can’t do another pregnancy and first year right now and if we wait any longer, I would be at high risk for a baby with medical problems. I just can’t do that considering our current situation. So, I think we are done. But, if someone told me I could give birth to healthy one-year-old without having to be pregnant, I’d do it in a second!
I decided from an early age that I would have 2 kids. I came from a family with 2 kids, so I think that this was what I knew. I waited a very long time to have kids. I wanted to be married, to have already enjoyed time alone with my spouse, to own a home and to have our finances in order. I was very traditional in the way I went about starting a family. 
Now, 5 years later, I have a beautiful 10-year-old daughter that we adopted through the foster system at age 4 and a son, who is now 3, that I gave birth to. About a year after giving birth to my youngest, I starting longing to be pregnant again. I had mixed feelings about this longing. I also thought that I would adopt, if I wanted to have more. I feel a strong moral and social responsiblity to adopt. I still very much long to birth another child. Now that I am newly divorced, this picture feels much more complicated. I don’t want to give up this desire to complete my family!
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