Monthly Archives: May 2013

To Procreate or not to Procreate… that is the question!

I love babies. No, I mean… I really love babies. Since I stopped teaching baby class a couple of months ago, I have realized how much I indeed love and miss babies. Pretty much any time someone asks me about my experiences teaching baby class, I tear up. That job was special. I got to […]

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Rachel - May 10, 2013 - 10:15 pm

Another good post! I will follow this one. I have to say that all of your pictures about the first year with babies did not bring forth a single bit of sentiment in me. I am just not a mom that does well in the first year. But, I am very sentimental about years 2-4 right now. :( I came from a big family and always wanted one of my own. I am sad that we are done with two but I just can’t do another pregnancy and first year right now and if we wait any longer, I would be at high risk for a baby with medical problems. I just can’t do that considering our current situation. So, I think we are done. But, if someone told me I could give birth to healthy one-year-old without having to be pregnant, I’d do it in a second!

Adrienne W - May 11, 2013 - 12:07 am

Oh, babies! I also love babies, but I haven’t really had a chance to get baby hungry, because I always have my own. I’m really lucky to have super easy babies, which makes newborns so enjoyable for us.
When I was young I always wanted lots of kids, because I enjoyed being one of six kids, but by the time I got married, I always thought we’d have four. And now I have five. So in some ways I have more kids than I thought I’d have. I wanted to be done at four, but we both felt like we weren’t done and that was hard for me. But I knew that I would hate to live with the feeling that we should have one more. The timing of a couple of our babies has been a surprise, but I KNOW they were supposed to come when they did. And of course I wouldn’t change anything now. It is crazy at our house, but I really do love it most days. And five kids isn’t a whole lot harder than three was. It’s all hard work. In some ways I feel like this wasn’t my decision, but the Lord’s and I am willing to accept that. And enjoy it!
As far as being done… We just got rid of all the baby stuff we aren’t using and it felt really good. It didn’t make me sad. I think we’re done, but with our crazy fertility, I have to know that more babies are a possibility until something REALLY permanent is done. And if we’re supposed to have more, then we’ll deal with it. We’ve discussed becoming foster parents when our kids are a little bit older. We have friends who foster only babies and we’d both like to do that.
I feel a lot of judgement from others about my tons of kids, but I don’t let it bother me. I also sometimes feel jealous of others who feel they are done at 2 or 3 because of logisitcs (housing, travelling, one on one time, etc), but I just try to focus on the blessings that my babies are and be the best mother I can be.

Sarabeth - May 11, 2013 - 12:25 am

I, too, adore babies. Audrey is turning 1 on Tuesday, and it’s pretty much killing me. I want more babies. Well, my heart wants more babies. But my head tells me that 4 is plenty. And Steve definitely does not want more, so I think we’re done. But I still have a ways to go before that does not make me sad. However, I think a lot of my sadness comes simply from the fact that my having-baby days are over, and I think that will make me sad even if I had 15 babies. Know what I mean? Like I think I will need to face those feelings at some point, regardless…I’m not just going to keep on having them just to avoid that sadness. When having babies was the biggest thing i looked forward to my entire life – and now it’s over – it’s hard to not have that to look forward to any more. Part of it, too, is just accepting that I’m getting older. Boo! Oh, and though I’m ecstatic to see my sisters both about to have their own first babies, I admit that it makes me ache for me to hold my own newborn again.

Anyway, that was a lot of rambling. On the brighter side, I do look forward to my kids being older and being able to do fun things with them and to enjoy them gaining a bit more independence. I am truly loving these younger years with my kids, before life gets as crazy as I know it will.

Annmarie - May 11, 2013 - 12:26 pm

Kara – this is a perfect Mother’s Day topic! It has also been on my mind lately, so thanks for putting out the questions in your blog! :) I decided from an early age that I would have 2 kids. I came from a family with 2 kids, so I think that this was what I knew. I waited a very long time to have kids. I wanted to be married, to have already enjoyed time alone with my spouse, to own a home and to have our finances in order. I was very traditional in the way I went about starting a family. :) There’s really not much about my family that’s traditional. ;) Now, 5 years later, I have a beautiful 10-year-old daughter that we adopted through the foster system at age 4 and a son, who is now 3, that I gave birth to. About a year after giving birth to my youngest, I starting longing to be pregnant again. I had mixed feelings about this longing. I also thought that I would adopt, if I wanted to have more. I feel a strong moral and social responsiblity to adopt. I still very much long to birth another child. Now that I am newly divorced, this picture feels much more complicated. I don’t want to give up this desire to complete my family!
I love babies. I love how I felt when I was the Mom of a wee one! The breast feeding hormones made me feel so content, looking into my baby’s eyes while nursing, the intense bonding with other mom’s of newborns for survival. ;) It was definitely one of my favorite times in my life! Kara, you talked about how you bond more intensely with your husband during this stage. That made me realize how I reach out to both old and new friends much more in this stage. I have such a big community and stay connected when I have a baby!
I have loved all the stages since infancy, with both my kids! I would like for them to have another partner in crime to share their childhoods and adulthoods with! :)

Kara - May 11, 2013 - 6:50 pm

I would say that you have an exceptionally rough past few months, so I don’t blame you. If baby stage is not a favorite of yours, then cheers to you starting to move past that stage :).
Way to not care what people think. Haters gonna hate girl, but you are an awesome mama with an awesome family!
Good luck in “mourning” being done. It is so true that there are many things to look forward to with our kids. I hope that we can do some of those fun things in the future together with our families!
What an amazing transition to motherhood you had! I wish you and your family lots of happiness as you find a groove with this new transition in your life. Hugs!

Robyn - May 11, 2013 - 11:36 pm

Oh Kara. So much, so much I want to say. BUT, it is late.

So let me share this one thing. For me, part of the compulisive draw towards having a newborn (that I STILL feel OFTEN) is that having a baby provides the rare opportunity to “fall in love”.

I fell head over heels in love was with Scott. Then when Tanner was born it was like falling in love all over again. Then again with Sage, and Elliette, and Asher. FALLING IN LOVE is so fun! The newness, the thrill, the giddy excitement, the discovery, the indescribable joy that comes from realizing you can’t/don’t want to live another day without them and are ready to commit your whole heart, soul, and being to them.

It’s a rush. It’s nourishing. It’s bouyant. It’s new and fun and exciting. It’s energizing. It’s HAPPY.

But just like a marriage must eventually move past the “honeymoon” phase, so too must the parenting.

The thought of having another baby thrills me. Have another baby tomorrow? YOU BET! What could possibly be better than another pure and innocent newborn? Another person to fall in love with? YOU BET! Sign me up. Another baby to snuggle, and nurse, and cuddle? YOU BET! Another baby to help and watch learn to sit, crawl, walk, talk? YOU BET! Witnessing the joy of discovery that accompanies babies is one of the greatest joys in life.

We have 4. We are done. It was a tough transition, but the right one.

So much to say . . . but that’s my one point for tonight. One of the reasons why saying goodbye to babies was tough because it was also saying goodbye to the thrill of falling in love.

kara - May 12, 2013 - 12:48 pm

I never thought about it that way, but is so true. Falling in love with a new human being that was literally a part of you… kind of an addicting feeling. Yes, the honeymoon ends..right around 6 weeks when my babies cry a lot :). So, maybe that is exactly what hurts.. not being able to fall in love with a human being in such an intense way again.

Carrie - May 13, 2013 - 9:42 am

This was a very interesting post for me to read because I’m at the opposite end of you, Kara, and everyone commenting. I’m newly married (well, we’re coming up on our 2nd wedding anniversary), nearly 33, and childless. My husband and I feel pulled to start our family now (especially since I’m getting older) and we have ideas about what that family will look like – how many kids, etc., but since we’ve never experienced any of it ourselves, we truly have no idea how we’ll feel about it all, how many kids we will end up wanting, and such. We love, love, love being married and we so enjoy our life together just the two of us, so I’m always wondering if I’ll be as happy when we have a family and our lives and hearts are pulled in a million different directions. It’s nice to read, though, how much all the women commenting on this post love having babies – and love their husbands throughout it all. As we embark on this stage in our lives and in our marriage, it can be pretty scary. I’m glad to have the Internet to learn from seasoned moms such as yourselves!

kara - May 13, 2013 - 12:32 pm

Good luck with your procreating decisions :). There is nothing in the world that makes me love Chris more than when I watch him be a good daddy, and I’m sure it will be the same for you Carrie whenever the timing is right for you guys! It really is true that love multiplies and our capacity to love expands. I’ll look forward to your updates :).

“My gift is my song, and this one’s for you.”

I wouldn’t claim to be the best person at establishing traditions, well at least cute ones. I don’t make my kids eggs green on St. Patrick’s day (in fact, I kind of try to avoid artificial dyes). I don’t get dressed up all fun with my kids on Halloween. I do love to celebrate Christmas […]

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Rachel - May 6, 2013 - 10:32 pm

I’m looking forward to the responses here. I have been feeling badly about our lack of traditions. I want to figure out a few things that “we do.” Even if it is just that we make pancakes every Saturday morning, I want to do something!

Adrienne W - May 6, 2013 - 10:33 pm

Saturday night dance parties and family movie “picnics”!

Tricia L. - May 6, 2013 - 10:50 pm

Hi Kara!

I got here from Chris’ post on Facebook. Each of our four children have a special primary song that I sang to them often when they were babies. I still occasionally get asked by one of them to sing their song to them. It makes for some pretty sweet moments, which I do need cause there is four of them and they do drive me crazy!

Oh also, something super cute to share. We hold hands at night during family prayer. One night our youngest (age 2) asked to keep holding hands and play ring around the rosy after prayer was done. We’ve been doing that every night since.

kara - May 10, 2013 - 9:42 pm

I foreshadow maybe some awesome math nights as a family :)? You have so much love in your family, I just know something really good has to come out of that :).
I love it. I can’t wait to hear of all of the new traditions you start in Victoria!!
Your prayer tradition is precious. And it goes to show how although it is important to be thoughtful in creating traditions, some just evolve on their own.