I’ve been telling Chris for awhile that we need a good family picture. I’m getting my Christmas on, and part of getting my Christmas on means sending cards out with a family picture each year. Last Sunday I told Chris that after church we needed to get something set up in the studio so we could get a few pics of the family. Well that never happened. The kids were extremely whiny and ungrateful on this particular day and I think that I mumbled something to Chris about how it really sucks being a mom some days as I marched my way up the stairs to have a good cry (a good cry really does help so much every once in while). So yeah.. the pictures didn’t happen that day. Then I started thinking maybe it would be best to not even send anything out this year, because it has been a hard year in many ways, and I don’t want to send out a “perfect” happy Christmas card that makes our lives to appear to be all sunshine and roses, when that’s not how it feels sometimes lately. Many things I am, but fake is not one of those things.
Don’t you ever wonder what in the heck you are doing wrong as a parent sometimes? Like why does at least one kid have to heartily whine on almost every “fun” family outing? I think that I have been extra on edge lately, because it seems that our kids are ungrateful quite often lately and spend a lot of time quarreling with each other. When I get overwhelmed sometimes, it is hard not to question everything I am doing, trying to pinpoint where we went wrong. Maybe we spoil them? Maybe they our picking up on my own stress and anxiety that I have been feeling lately? Maybe we don’t give them enough responsibility? Maybe we don’t give them enough quality time? I sometimes feel like it must be all my fault, forgetting that they are their own little people who came to this earth with their own strong personalities. Oh yeah, and also forgetting that they really are mostly really great kids with amazing hearts. Basically I spend way too much of my time lately beating myself up for my shortcomings (or perceived shortcomings). But I don’t have to have too much time pass before I am reminded that my kids really are pretty special and sweet. And if I’m perfectly honest, I know that a lot of my emotional feelings lately have nothing to do with my family but some of my own things that I am working through.
I thought that today we would have one last attempt to get a family picture before I decided to throw in the towel at the idea of a card going out this year, and that is where these pictures came from. These dorky/silly pictures that fit us perfectly. I am getting emotional as I look at these pictures right now. Emotional because I love my happy little dysfunctional family so much. I have been in a bit of a weird fog lately and so much in my life doesn’t feel clear right now. But as I look at these pictures, I can feel the fog lifting a little, and I am reminded of what I sweet family that I have and how blessed I am. I have a kick booty husband who loves me and the kids so much and shows it every day by his actions. I have Sofia who has the most tender heart and is trying so hard to be a good person and in the process is making me a better person. I have Gabe, who is constantly running and dancing around the house with this amazing zest for life, and he makes me smile pretty much every time I notice his adorable missing front tooth. And last but certainly not least is Miriam. Miriam’s intensity and zest for life can leave me feeling very confused sometimes as to how we ought to raise this spunky personality. But every day she also leaves me laughing and smiling so big, wondering how a child that has been on this earth for less than 4 years can have such a vocabulary and such an old soul.
So, news flash: my family is far from perfect. But I think that everyone who knows us well already knew that :). You might get a Christmas card with a viking, an angel,mariachi member, piggie, and king this year in place of the perfectly posed card that I originally hoped we would be sending, but this card will be the truth. Life isn’t always easy and our family is far from perfect, but we have so much love in our family and I wouldn’t trade these people for anything in the world. I have so much to be grateful for in my life, and sometimes you have to have things not always go the way you wanted/imagined to help remember you remember how good you really do have it.