I love babies. No, I mean… I really love babies. Since I stopped teaching baby class a couple of months ago, I have realized how much I indeed love and miss babies. Pretty much any time someone asks me about my experiences teaching baby class, I tear up. That job was special. I got to share a very important transition with many parents in Corvallis, take my own babies with me to work, and love on other babies when I no longer had a baby anymore.
I am really enjoying my new job, but I’ve kept wondering over the last month why it is that I get so emotional when I think about no longer teaching baby class. Could it be that I am mourning the idea of letting go of a job, but also kind of mourning the fact that I probably will not be having any more babies? Chris and I are pretty sure that we feel good about being done with having babies. I haven’t been feeling the urge to get pregnant like I was way before this time when Sofia and Gabe were small. I feel very content when I look at the little family that we have created. I think that I always imagined myself having 4 kids, so it has been weird for me to be open to possibility that we really may be done at 3. I think that baby class was a built in baby fix that I no longer get to have anymore.
Every childhood stage has its’ joyful and frustrating parts. I have to say, though, I do love a baby. Especially a newborn. When I see older babies or toddlers, I definitely think they are cute but…. when I see a newborn, it physically does something to my body. Tears often well up in my eyes and my eyes and heart almost can’t handle the cuteness and purity. I swear that the non existent milk in my breasts starts letting down. I love babies in general, but those newborns really hit me right in the heart.
So why do I love babies so much?
Could it have something to do with the fact that there is not time in the history of my marriage when I love my husband more than right after I give birth to a child? It’s like our love multiplies a million times. Chris and I, who have different personalities, work in harmony together to labor and deliver a child that we created. I guess that we will just have to go on dates or something normal as I can’t just keep birthing babies with him for the sake of a little marriage enhancement.
Could it be their cute little heads that smell so delicious?
Could it be the love that fills your heart when you watch your baby sleeping peacefully or when you nurse them?
Could it be the joy in watching my babies experience new milestones?
Could it be the comfort and peace I felt holding my babies close to me?
Or maybe even more precious… watching my husband carry our babies around?
So my questions for all of you lovely mamas?
- How did you decide how many kids you would have? Prayer, logic, an ideal set when you were a kid, finances, fertility? I would love to hear your experiences if you are up for sharing. Did you have more than you thought you would? Less?
- What is/was your favorite part about babies?
- When you felt like you were done having kids, what helped you to make peace with the idea that you would never have your own newborn again?
Thanks for sharing!